I don’t have to ask if you’ve ever encountered a bully at work. I know you have. We all have.
There’s one flavour of workplace bully that is particularly challenging to deal with: the narcissist. I’m using the term colloquially here — they aren’t waving around a clinical diagnosis to show off their bona fides — but you know the signs.
They gossip and stir conflict. Undermine others. Seek attention. Create constant drama. And they are masters of manipulation, turning others against you. Sometimes, the constant gaslighting and blame-shifting is enough to turn you against yourself
I’m exhausted just writing about it.
Here’s the problem: direct confrontation doesn’t work. They thrive on it.
And ignoring the barrage of criticism doesn’t work. You have to work with them, after all. Plus,
So, what does work?
Be boring.
That’s it. That’s the whole method.
Narcissists crave what psychologists call narcissistic supply: a steady stream of attention and emotional reactions. When they pick on you, they’re looking for that hit of drama. They feed on it.
So, you starve them.
[ Photo by Arya Dubey on Unsplash ]
Let the most boring object in the world inspire you. Be a grey rock. Not a pretty one with an interesting shape or veins of quartz running through it. Just … a plain, dull rock.
Grey rocks are neutral—no reactions, no drama, no conflict.
Here’s how to do it:
- Keep your responses short and neutral. Stick to one-word answers like “yes,” “no,” or “okay.”
- Non-committal noises and boring phrases are great for excessive criticism. “Mhm.” “Uh-huh.” “Thank you for the feedback.” My personal favourite: “I’ll take that under advisement.”
- Flatten your tone. Monotones are the narcissist’s enemy.
- Keep your face neutral. No eye rolls, no smirks, no tears.
- Engage only when necessary to your own professionalism intact.
- Redirect to work. “Let’s focus on the deadline for this report.”
- Practice calmness. Easier said than done, but rehearse when they’re not around
A quick warning: grey rocking can trigger an extinction burst—a temporary spike in bad behavior as they try harder to get a reaction. Trust the process.
And remember: if the bullying crosses into harassment or discrimination, grey rocking isn’t enough. Document everything and consider a formal complaint.
In most cases, though, this subtle tactic works wonders. By staying neutral, calm, and focused on work, you can minimize drama, protect your mental health, and maintain professionalism—even in the face of toxic behavior.
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