Have you ever felt so done with everything that if there was one more thing on your plate you could just explode?
I remember watching cartoons as a kid where the characters would get red in the face, the head would get bigger and bigger and then “boom” they would explode in a cloud of smoke. This is the best way to depict how many of us feel when we are at the end of our ropes. That strange sensation in the body that is telling you to walk away from your desk, go out in nature, calm down… do anything but not be in the place where you are now, is usually ignored.
The sad reality is that we are not always able to walk away, drop everything and go in nature to recharge. We have responsibilities that need to be attended to at the particular moment in time. Thus, just like the cartoon character, most likely we either implode so as not to show how we feel to others, or explode where all our angst and anger flows out to those around us.
Other than describing various coping techniques to diffuse the rise of emotions, which I have done in other articles, I want to talk to you all about something called the window of tolerance.
The window of tolerance was originally developed by Dr. Dan Siegal MD. The concept describes the optimal time or “window” in which a person can effectively manage and cope with their emotions.
This window can be affected by various variables such as being overwhelmed with too many activities/information, stress of daily life, and buildup of stressful events and trauma. This list is not exhaustive.
The window is flexible and will expand or contract depending on what is happening in your life at a particular moment in time. It is also different for each person. My level of tolerance in a certain situation may be different than any other person, since my life experiences and daily activities are not the same as others.
When you are in your window of tolerance, you will likely feel like you can deal with anything that is coming your way. You may feel stressed or tired, but it does not overwhelm you or bother you.
Experiencing trauma or stressful events may take you out of the window of tolerance and at that time our bodies may go into a fight, flight or freeze response. As a result of these experiences, any amount of stress or anxiety may generate fear which then triggers the body’s defense responses.
The reason is that these stressors, which to someone who has not experienced trauma may not be significant, will most likely make the mind believe that the trauma or other stressful events are occurring at that moment, even though you are completely safe
It is beyond the scope of this piece to go into the defense responses and why the mind reacts as it does to stressors.
However it is important to recognize when you are starting to feel like something is building inside and at any point may explode or implode.
NEXT STEPS
- When you are feeling anxious or nervous, take a few deep breaths and connect to your body. This allows you to recognize that you are getting upset, nervous, scared, and identify the emotions.
- I wrote about using an emotions chart to start recognizing more easily your emotions and connecting to your body.
- When you realize and acknowledge your emotions, you can acknowledge that you are stepping out of your window of tolerance.
- Ask yourself, what do I need now and what is my body trying to tell me? Do I need to step away from the situation for a few minutes; is whatever occurring at this moment making me very uncomfortable and if so, what can I do to help myself feel safe?
- Remember, that feeling safe in your body does not mean that you are in actual danger. At that moment due to past trauma the body is interpreting the events as dangerous and your are feeling unsafe. You don’t need to figure out why you feel this way, just acknowledge the feelings and then find a way to feel safer.
- This may include taking a time out, going outside for a breath of fresh air, walking in nature if possible, listening to calming music etc…
- The main point is recognizing what your window of tolerance looks like, connecting to your body so that you know when you are stepping out of that area, and then finding ways to feel safe and calm so you can step back into that zone.
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Disclaimer
The information in this article is not therapy, counseling, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, mental health care/treatment, substance abuse care/ treatment, nor is it medical, psychological, mental health advice or treatment, or any other professional advice.
The information in this article is for information purposes only, and is not to be used as a substitute for therapy, counseling, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, mental health care, medical care, or any other professional advice by legal, medical or other qualified professionals.
The information in this article shall not be recorded, copied or distributed.
If you feel that you may need medical or other professional help, please contact your doctor or call 911 if it is an emergency.
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